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RNC may make GOP candidates agree to at least 8 of 10 “principles” on a manifesto. Why...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:21:01 -0500

RNC may make GOP candidates agree to at least 8 of 10 “principles” on a manifesto. Why 8? Has to do with Reagan, obvs. http://bit.ly/80IWBs

The RNC: Like Fight Club For Assholes

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:18:00 -0500

“Republican leaders are circulating a resolution listing 10 positions Republican candidates should support to demonstrate that they “espouse conservative principles and public policies” that are in opposition to “Obama’s socialist agenda.” According to the resolution, any Republican candidate who broke with the party on three or more of these issues – in votes cast, public statements made or answering a questionnaire – would be penalized by being denied party funds or the party endorsement.” —The Caucus

So here they are:

(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama’s “stimulus” bill;

Less government, less debt, lower deficits, and lower taxes. Sign me up! I’m sure the rest of these will follow logically…

(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run health care;

Is “market-based health care reform” a manifesto-friendly way of saying “skyrocketing health-care costs”?

(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;

Is “market-based energy reforms” a manifesto-friendly way of saying “everything on earth giving everything else on earth cancer”?

(4) We support workers’ right to secret ballot by opposing card check;

This, in fact, is a manifesto-friendly way of saying “Fuck unions.”

(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;

Assimilation? That sounds ominous. It must be a nod to the Taco Bell, Panda Express, and Olive Garden lobbies.

(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;

I like to win too. But what about that “less debt, lower deficits” thing? I know W. lowered taxes when we went to war a few years ago, which had never, ever, ever, ever been done before, and sure enough it turns out that was one step forward and two steps back so—oh shit it’s an orange terror alert! Wait, what were we talking about?

(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;

“Effective action”? I’d like to be all *wink* but come on, invading them too does not jive with #1. Which makes no sense, because #1 is at the ~~heart~~ taint of all the Tea Baggery!

(8) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;

I was surprised that there’s nothing on here about the importance of individual freedoms and rights. But oh yeah gays…

(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion; and

…and oh yeah women…

(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership.

…but not the neighbor’s M4 carbine assault rifle.

I’d go to church if it were more like this. Well, no I...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:22:57 -0400

I’d go to church if it were more like this.

Well, no I wouldn’t. But I imagine this is better than going to church.

#30Rock introduces #Leno with 4th wall-breaking diss, then Leno calls back to a gag from the episode...

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:42:27 -0400

#30Rock introduces #Leno with 4th wall-breaking diss, then Leno calls back to a gag from the episode of 30 Rock. A black hole of meta.

#Limbaugh: “My ouster is the fault of Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and...

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:40:50 -0400

#Limbaugh: “My ouster is the fault of Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and unions.” He’s the Don Quixote of racist blowhards.

Local-news vans parked outside #Letterman. Famous Guy Bangs Underling may be a better lead than...

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:32:59 -0400

Local-news vans parked outside #Letterman. Famous Guy Bangs Underling may be a better lead than Pothole Still There, but it isnt local news.

Video of Joe Mauer possibly stealing signs from the Detroit...

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:52:50 -0400

Video of Joe Mauer possibly stealing signs from the Detroit Tigers. Whether he was or wasn’t doing it—I think he probably was, though some of the poster’s thoughts are a real stretch—you have to like this sort of thing in order to like baseball. The game is basically the numismatics of the sporting world.

After Yankees game today, saw a 25ish yr old Yanks fan smoking cigar, giddily saying,...

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:26:18 -0400

After Yankees game today, saw a 25ish yr old Yanks fan smoking cigar, giddily saying, “Entourage is on tonight bro!” All but ruined the win.

The only way this could be more meta is if Wil Wheaton blogged about it. RT @levarburton I hang my...

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:13:06 -0400

The only way this could be more meta is if Wil Wheaton blogged about it. RT @levarburton I hang my head in shame…! http://bit.ly/iJ7Jz

I love Pee-wee Herman. But talking to Jay Leno about 6th graders wearing loincloths may not be the...

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:00:46 -0400

I love Pee-wee Herman. But talking to Jay Leno about 6th graders wearing loincloths may not be the best way to kick off the ol’ comeback.

1 in 5 New Jersey voters believes Obama may be the Antichrist. Oh, not in a figurative way. In the...

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:16:26 -0400

1 in 5 New Jersey voters believes Obama may be the Antichrist. Oh, not in a figurative way. In the literal Biblical way. http://bit.ly/zxY19

It’s 8:04 am and I’ve already heard a snippet of “The Time of My Life.” Like...

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 08:38:08 -0400

It’s 8:04 am and I’ve already heard a snippet of “The Time of My Life.” Like Dalton says, it’ll get worse before it gets better. #swayze

Photos of people making reasoned, informed, logical arguments against government efforts to improve...

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:51:44 -0400

Photos of people making reasoned, informed, logical arguments against government efforts to improve their lives. http://bit.ly/IIhXp

Pouring sweat after finihing a brutal vertical rock scramble at Breakneck Ridge. Or as I like to...

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:26:10 -0400

Pouring sweat after finihing a brutal vertical rock scramble at Breakneck Ridge. Or as I like to call it, Rupture Aorta Ridge.

Just walked by a guy parked in an old panel van kneading his forehead while blasting Pink...

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 03:46:21 -0400

Just walked by a guy parked in an old panel van kneading his forehead while blasting Pink Floyd’s “Time.” Nothing good will come of that.

"God is not a religion. God is God."

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:52:02 -0400

“God is not a religion. God is God.”

- Kentucky state Rep. Tom Riner, defending his inclusion of religiosity in the law that created the Kentucky Office of Homeland Security. Riner, a Democrat and a Baptist pastor, had written that Kentucky would not be safe unless its citizens depended on Almighty God. A judge recently ruled that that language was unconstitutional.

I say leave it in. That way, Kentuckians will have God on their side and can therefore give their federal Homeland Security money to the godless heathens in New York City. Where that money is actually needed. (story)

Gee, it’d probably be interesting and not at all annoying to bike home through the...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:14:49 -0400

Gee, it’d probably be interesting and not at all annoying to bike home through the pedestrianized Times Square. #worstideaever

"Recently, I saw a man masturbating in one of the windows. That’s when it left the funny side..."

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:54:19 -0400

“Recently, I saw a man masturbating in one of the windows. That’s when it left the funny side and moved to the gross, dark side.”

- How does seeing a guy masturbating while you’re walking around a New York City park qualify as news? (via)

A 911 call from a moron who wants deputies to be dispatched to a...

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 11:20:13 -0400

A 911 call from a moron who wants deputies to be dispatched to a Burger King so that they can force employees to correctly make her cheeseburger (at gunpoint, no doubt).

The dispatcher quite rightly goes Barney Frank on her ass.

(via)

"So what we’re doing is giving them an opportunity for a year to experience both the magazine and the..."

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:31:00 -0400

“So what we’re doing is giving them an opportunity for a year to experience both the magazine and the Web site for only $1 and obviously we hope to get them back to a decent price for the two of them.”

- ESPN The Magazine General Manager Gary Hoenig, on why the mag is offering its subscribers a $1 year-long renewal that includes unlimited access to espn.com Insider content, which alone normally costs $40. He goes on to say that subscribers have Insider access already, but most don’t realize it and/or don’t use it. So, unless I’m mistaken, the plan is to offer ultracheap subscriptions, which will require people to log on to the Web site in order to enter their credit card information, which ESPN believes will drive traffic to Insider. Then, a year later, ESPN will jack the prices back up, which the subscribers for some reason won’t mind. Or more accurately, won’t realize, because ESPN has their credit card info and auto-renews subscriptions. Gosh, if I didn’t know better, I’d say this was a sign that magazines are in trouble. (Full story; via)